Behind The Facade

At school; Around friends:
Crazy-fun personality,
Smiley,
Slightly hyper,
Always has a witty comeback.
I am who I would like to be.


Alone; By myself:
Quiet.
Unsure.
Happy? Not quite.
Empty, Alone is what I feel inside.


The music is my escape.


Why do I feel this way?
Almost like a depression sometimes.
I feel like I want to cry,
Even though I really don't know why.


I feel alone.
When friends ask, I retreat back.
I don't know if I want help,
I think I'd prefer to weather it alone.
Suffer in silence
Is my kind of type, you know?

I go to sleep, to start a new day.

The pattern repeats.

I pick out the mask,

That I'll wear that day.

Well, wasn't today terrible.

Once again I had one of those nights where you just think, "Why? Why am I here if the only purpose for my existence is to get screwed over, All. The. Time.?"

l♥ve this.

I should probably be sleeping..

I thought about you tonight.. well, I am thinking about you now.
You continue to cross my mind lately. I admit, I'm falling for you.
Stupidly falling for you. I do not want to, I try to tell myself
that these are just silly feelings and will pass by quickly. But
here you are floating around in my thoughts.
It's not like anything will ever happen between us. There's far too
much distance that separates us. It makes my heart ache to think about it.
Come back..please.

A few thoughts throughout the school day:

Yesterday, everyone hoped that today school would be cancelled because it was said that we were to accumulate three-six inches of snow. I knew we wouldn't be cancelled this morning, which we weren't--We were not even graced with a two-hour delay. It was not necessary though because it had not snowed over night... But as soon as my best friend, my brother, and I pulled into the school lot and parked, it started to snow. Of course it would happen like that. It is currently 9:11AM and I'm originally writing this post in English on notebook paper (I'm practicing my cursive. Like they say, Practice makes perfect) ..[; I'll be re-typing this once I get home (aka now.)


I am actually suppose to be reading at the moment, which I would love to be doing at this time, but unfortunately I forgot my book I am currently reading at home in the havoc of finishing my research report last night :/ *sighh*


This post is quite a pointless one. I am just passing the time until the class period is over, I suppose. I'm thinking that I'll just add a little here and there when I get chances throughout the day today.. In just this amount of time (7:30AM-9:13ishAM) the snowflakes have grown considerably larger. The snow is building up quite quickly! :] Maybe it will be appropriate to hope for an early dismissal.. I'll update later about that. In the mean time, I will sit hear recording my inner thoughts, in my journal that's off the record of course, while watching the snow as it falls softly...


It's now 10:39AM. On our video announcements, the crew had went around the school earlier this morning asking a variety of students and faculty members if they thought that we would have an early dismissal today. After all the hype that's being made over this issue, we will end up being in school for the full length. Awesome.


It is now 1:54PM. I just conquered my spanish test :P ... how exciting ;) You would think that there would be more intelligent students in Spanish III, but No. Heh. Maybe next year the people who don't take their classes seriously will drop out of the class..or at least flunk out. ha... My thoughts are normally much more interesting than these, I promise ;) The students next to me are talking about how pools are 20% pee and 10% snot :/ Eww. Dear Spanish class, ..please end soon.


2:20PM: Seventh period class, Chemistry, is interesting I suppose, but it's the largest class I have all day. Since there are a lot of students in it, you'd think there was more of a chance of having people you like in there, but once again: No. My class is filled with a large amount of loud, annoying people. It gives me a headache :\


So no, we did not have an early dismissal. Darn :| but the roads were horrible. The school officials had state patrols lined outside to make sure no one got into wrecks and parents were furious that we weren't released early. Overall, good/interesting day. ..Well, maybe not from the perspective I have given you (heh) but to me it was ;) I'm going to stop typing now, though, because this post is too long for me to be talking about absolutely nothing important :P ....

I can finally breathe [:

Once upon a time, I signed up for an Advance Placement College Course Class for English. The  evil witch-teacher assigned the class of innocent victims a horrid research project that would take 4 months to complete--Four freaking months, I have been doing nothing but rough drafts, note cards, researching North Korea, and reading articles that are quite depressing..:/ blek. But, now, four months later, I have completed this challenging task with flying colors! Oh, I have so. So, tomorrow I will march into second period, slap my 47 page report down on my teacher's cluttered desk and walk to my seat as a free woman ;] ..(bahaha.).. to sit through one of her lectures..*mood deflates a little* oh well. :))) I am just excited that it is finally complete! Oh! And I shall live happily ever after :D .. well not really, my life is far far from that, but at least I can look forward to that report being behind me for the rest for the school year. God, be with the Juniors who have to complete that horrid task this coming semester which starts next week.. HA. (:

The End.

New Blog Design?

I am not exactly sure if I like my new blog design..I think I might change it back to the original one. Hmm..I do not know yet.:P
I'm just trying to distract myself instead of doing my research paper :\


Oh, and by the way, I have a new favorite song that I have been listening to on repeat. Bleed by Hot Chelle Rae. I added it to my playlist over to the right. You should listen to it. It's quite amazing<3... well, at least it is to me. Also, there are two other new songs I added by Galt Aureus. They are quite lovely too. ..[:

Gone.

Doors open and close,
Silence fills the air.
It feels as if time has froze,
When I realize you're not there.
My heart seizes,
It blackens to coal.
My heart breaks to pieces,
It's no longer whole.
They say I loved you way too much,
That it wasn't good for my health.
I'd do anything to feel your touch,
I'd take you over any type of wealth.
       Why can't they all just see;
       You meant the world to me,

I just need somebody to talk to..

My week has been horrid. I would not mind sitting in a dark corner and going unnoticed to the outside world for a while. I kind of had hoped to talk to my best friend about it, which is big on account that she always has to drag everything out of me when there is something wrong, but guess what? She was not able to talk because she was out of town. Out of town seeing a movie and going out to eat with my other best friend and close friend.


I'm not really upset that they went without me because I had to work, and who am I to get upset because I was not included in one plan. Also, it's not their fault I was scheduled to work 4-11pm after school. It would have just been nice for them to tell me instead of trying to keep it from me so they would not 'hurt my feelings.' My feelings are hurt though, and I feel quite left out. Lately, I have had no life outside of school and work. I hate having to work all the time. I want to be an actual teenager for once...or at least more often than the small chances I actually do get. :/


I don't know. It is just a sad Friday. And I just need someone to talk to..I need my best friend to talk to :'(


...Lonely Girl.

♥.

Don't forget to love yourself.


I suppose I will just post this message as my 'message of the day.' ::
I was looking through pictures online with quotes written across them in quite creative manors. The one written above is one of the few I decided to save. Because it is true. Don't ever forget to love yourself. Though I do admit, I forget at times. We all do.

Two weeks have flown by.. D:

Two weeks ago, I had finished exams and happily welcomed Christmas break to begin. ... Where the hell did time go??? Gah. Tomorrow is back to school for me. There are so many people there that I do not want to see again, and I strongly enjoyed not having to stay up until 1-2ish in the morning finishing homework after working 4-10pm or 4-11pm after school >_<


The one thing I am looking forward to, though, is the end of first semester in about a week. Why is this? This is so because next semester is when my Creative Writing class begins, which I am stoked for! :]
Other than that exciting aspect of going back to school.. I'd rather to just not. Heh. Christmas break, start over.. please?

Until Next Time,

LG.